The Big Bang Theory

or

 The First Checkerboard – So Help Me

Long long ago in Merrie Olde Englande when Knighthood was in flower, there lived way out in the hinterland two Great Knights. One was called the Red Knight and he lived in a huge red castle located right square on the top of big Red Mountain just east of wee Binghamtowne.

Now Red Knight was called Red Knight because everything he owned was BRIGHT, Solid RED – his Horse, his Castle, his Armour, his Shield and over the towers and walls of the great Red Castle flew pennants and flags of – you guessed it! – Red shiny cloth.

Now just a bit south of wee Binghamtowne was Black Knoll – a hill about so-o-o-o high and here lived the Big, Bad, Bold, Black Knight – complete with black Horse, black Boots, black Shield, black Armour, and great Black Castle. Black Pennants and flags crowned the towers and walls of this grim fort waving a challenge to all who dared pass this shadowed way.

Now one bright autumn day Red Knight decided to go forth seeking adventure. Perhaps to slay a few dragons or rescue a passel of passionate princesses. Sooo he had his squires saddle and armour his horse Big Red. Dress himself in his best suit of Red Armour. He took up his red sword, red shield and spear then he jumped onto Big Red – OOF!! said the horse. Shouting “Charge Big Red”!! they dashed from the castle – Squeek, Squeek, Clank, Clink, – OOF!! Across the drawbridge Kaplonk, KAPLONK – OOF. Down the hill to sleepy unsuspecting Binghamtowne.

Now the plot thickens!!

On Black Knoll Black Knight awoke this same day in – what else – a BLACK MOOD and He decided to go forth to Harrie ye olde foe or anybody else who might cross his way.

Black Knight’s favorite horse Midknight was saddled and decked with shiny black Armour. B. K.-(Black Knight) donned his blackest armour, took up his Black Shield, Black Helmet, Black Sword and lance and jumped heavily onto Midknight – Clatter, Clank, Clink and OOF!!

Waving aside assorted servants, dogs and courtyard animals, shouting a fierce black “Charge Midknight”!!

Off he dashed from the courtyard – Squeek, Clank, Clink, and OOF, across the drawbridge – KAPLONK, Kaplonk, Crack, Sqweek, Clink, Clank and OOF gathering speed down the hill toward wee little unsuspecting Binghamtowne.

Now both these great Knights had great brawn and strength and determination. But trifles could only increase their desire to split skulls and do mayhem to all creatures daring to cross their way. Red Knight is dashing almost blind with his helmet on and visor closed directly west into the lowering sun gaining speed and momentum toward the only intersection in our quiet towne. Black Knight is charging mightily almost blind in a northerly direction at at least top speed into that self same intersection.

Without a nod from Dame Fortune the inevitable did indeed this sleepy afternoon in ye olde Binghamtowne occur – the bold Knights Black and Red met with CRASH, CLANK, Tinkle, BONG and even Thud plus OOF right smack in the center of ye olde Binghamtowne.

The Crash brought all the townes people on the run, but the cloud of dust hid whatever disaster had happened. As the dust slowly settled on the scene of utter destruction – the silence from the heap of armour, horse and battered bodies was deafening.

Slowly two battered horses arose from the debris – only to lean against one another for support. Each horse was alike in appearance Red and Black square patches all over from head to tail, from mane to hoof exactly alike.

The two scarcely clad Knights crawled from the heap – bruised & battered until none could tell who was the Red and who was the Black Knight. And after such a crash they certainly didn’t know. The townspeople did their best and reassembled the armour of man and horse, but then the Knights and horses looked exactly alike – alternate Red and Black Squares. The local Wizard was consulted and after spells, incantations etc etc –

Thee DECISION – – – was Rendered --> --> --> !!! Move both castles Red and Black, block by block to West Bench – reassemble them both into one huge castle

[one Red Block] [one Black Block] [one Red Block] etc, etc

After many a busy day there on West Bench for all to see was the Wondrous Checkerboard Castle and here our two Checkerboard Knights lived happily ever after playing the newly invented game of CHECKERS!!

In Merrie Olde Englande

So help me…

LLW