Once upon a time in Merrie Olde Englande there lived a scrawny, rusty, patched-up, battered-down very small Olde Knight. His armor was dented, rusted, squeaky, and held-together-with baling wire and old shoe strings.
Olde scrawny Knight's horse was small, olde, and so swaybacked that the mismatched stirrups almost reached the ground.
His weaponry was sad - a badly rusted mangled blade sword, dented, bent and battered shield, and a lance spliced with wire and sticks like a Boy Scout splinted fracture.
Olde Knight's 'castle' was more like a ramshackle olde barn. The moat was filled with olde tin cans, rusted bed springs, weeds and wild flowers - in season, that is --.
Olde Knight had definitely fallen on hard times, but even so, he lighted up with enthusiasm when a messenger from the Great King Arthur arrived with - 'an assignment' - 'a task' - 'a QUEST'!! - 'Slay the Dragon who has been running off with all the children of the village of Appleshire, and REPORT' --.
It had been a long time since Olde Knight had received an assignment, or even a word from the Rounde Table, but duty indeed was duty. With haste and with waste, Olde Knight and Dunderbess, his rickety steed, donned their armor, took up weapons - such as they were - and dashed leisurely through the moat. The drawbridge had long ago collapsed. Onward, and so forth, to search out the dastardly Dragon. Clippety-clop, clink, clank, squeak, squawk, oof, and also clunk, away into the wooded hills beyond the wee village of Appleshire, where soon Olde Knight picked up the trail of what must be THE DRAGON!!!
The trail was narrow - children's jackets, ribbons, hats and boots dangled from bushes on either side. And then - appeared strange piles of vari-coloured bean-shaped objects along the edge of the path, amidst the bushes, and even in the briars.
Olde Knight was curious - what wild spoor was this? Reaching into a small mound with his rusty sword, he pulled out a green, shiny object - what could it be?? Round, smooth, rawther like a bean. A bit solid. M-m-m, a nice smell.
"I’ll crack it with my teeth!"
"Halloo, there - it does taste good. Good enough so I'll try another! By Jove - they are definitely Number 8, and quite possibly Number 9. I wonder where they came from? I'll fill my pockets and get on with my bounden duty - drat dastardly Dragons, anyway."
Olde Knight and Dunderbess galloped slowly up the winding trail through the narrow valley. Soon appeared more piles of the queer beans, a few school books, and quite indubitably, the tracks of a DRAGON!!
Olde Knight and Dunderbess weren't really cowardly but still none too anxious to have a collision with any such creature, no matter how mythical it was. But Duty and Justice demanded - "Find the Beast and rescue the children."
At last the valley widened into a pleasant picnic area and the path ended at a large cave in the face of a high cliff. The area in front of the cave looked like a Scout camp – campfires, racks holding coats and booksacks, small lean-to stick shelters. And children of all shapes and sizes, playing leapfrog, tag, and other games. All around were great piles of luscious sweet beans of every colour imaginable.
Olde Knight and Dunderbess knew that here was DESTINY - Dragon slaying time and all the STUFF great HEROES are made of - perhaps even their picture in 'the Rounde Table Heralde'!
Olde Knight raised a battered kudo horn to his lips and blew a loud cracked note of challenge to the wild dastardly DRAGON, grasped his crooked lance and awaited the charge of whatever monster was hiding in yon black cave --.
Out came a, yes, undoubtedly a Dragon - but what a Dragon. He wasn't as big as a house - hardly as big as a garage. Green, yellow, red and blue splotches, snaggle-toothed, with sad eyes not much bigger than baseballs, one purple, the other orange. Definitely not a trophy type. But what was absolutely, positively not the least bit sporting - he carried a white flag on a stick clutched in the end of his tail. Hardly cricket; even Dunderbess was disappointed at this breach of etiquette. No fight, no gore - oh, the pity of it all. Olde Knight retracted his lance and called to yon sad beastie. "Give an accounting this very instant, or white flag or no, I'll lop off your scrawny head and drag it all the way to King Arthur's Court."
The Scrawny Patchwork Dragon sat wearily down - curled his tail in front where the white flag waved protectively between him and Olde Knight and told his sad story. "I was hatched a normal ambitious loathsome Dragon and lived my youth with normal goals and desires - blow great gushes of smoke and flame at all manner of gentlefolk. Gobble up princesses and, of course, little children. But early it became plain I was a failure as a Dragon. I didn't grow as big as a house; I couldn't bring myself to gobble princesses and children, and most piteous of all, no smoke, no flames gushed out - only these brightly coloured beans." And he demonstrated with a great gush of delectable beans spewing forth. His family cast him out because of his horrible affliction, and he had wandered into this small valley to hide from all the world. Of course he took his daily exercise walks and tried occasionally to spew forth fire and brimstone; but only sweet beans came forth.
Then the children discovered the beans and followed them to his cave. He found the children a joy and they loved the beans, and for same reason the children - quite unlike our modern day youth - found that they would rather camp out near the Dragon's cave eating delectable beans and playing games than go to school or do chores.
Olde Knight was in a quandary - oh, woe! What to do? Then a great IDEA hit him - a TRULY GREAT IDEA!!! Scrawny Patchwork Dragon would move to Olde Knight's 'castle' - such as it was. Olde Knight would enlist the assistance of all the knights of the Rounde Table, suitable messages could be painted on their shields, and soon all Merrie Olde Englande would be munching - little beans? Blue beans? Sugarbeans? No. No. Then - trumpets. Fanfare. Applause. "JELLY BEANS"!
And so it was, all Englande became a Merrie Lande - that has a familiar sound. Olde Knight, Dunderbess and the Jelly Bean Dragon became prosperous and fat; they built the old manor into Jelly Bean Park Ltd., where children could camp and romp and eat free jelly beans from morn to dusk. Indeed, it was the first park of its kind in all Merrie Olde Englande - or any where else!
