Once upon a time in Merrie Olde England lived a smart but poor boy named Thomas. His father was a wood cutter and he, his wife and Thomas lived deep in the forest in a snug log cabin built by Thomas' grandfather many years ago. It was a pretty forest populated by chipmunks, birds, deer and an occasional fox, but usually when a fox went through it was at high speed and followed by baying hounds, then the local Lords and ladies mounted on horses of all types and sizes. The bustle and noise was fearful though it did add variety to Thomas’ experiences.
Thomas helped his father by trimming limbs off cut down logs, piling brush and leading the horse through the woods while his father loaded trimmed logs onto the wagon. Thomas was industrious and learned well how to use his axe and saw.
Thomas had a secret ambition and whenever time allowed he would climb a stout oak tree and watch the High Road, which passed through the edge of the forest, hoping for a glimpse of a Knight mounted on glorious white charger. Thomas' secret was to someday, someway grow up to BE a Knight in Shining Armor, mounted on a white CHARGER and carrying a huge sword, shield and spear.
Unfortunately one of Thomas’ lowly station in medieval England could simply never become a Knight it was – well just unthinkable.
Thomas knew deep down that it wasn’t a very realistic goal, but nevertheless that was what he wanted to be. Then he had the Great Idea – why not make a suit of armor and pretend he was indeed a Knight? No sooner thought than started – and Thomas began carving, sawing, chopping. Chip by chip shaving by shaving his armor emerged from the forest. Soon Thomas was wearing his quaint wooden armor, carrying his wooden shield, and a huge black thorn wood sword. Occasionally when Dad and Mom didn’t watch too closely he climbed onto "old Dan" their horse and practiced charging at targets with his wooden lance. Old Dan didn’t mind too much because Thomas and his ambitions were much lighter work than hauling the old wood wagon.
Well, while Thomas was being a real pretend Knight in Shining Armor, the real thing was indeed having an exceedingly rough time in Merrie Olde England. A new sorcerer had moved into an old abandoned castle and had set up toll booths even on King Arthur’s High Road exacting tolls from all and sundry. A very bad situation calling for solution by one of King Arthur's finest, indeed a Knight in Shining Armor! No. 1 K in SA was dispatched to solve ye Thorny Problem. Modus Operandi was to ride up to a respectable distance from Sorcerer’s Castle and shout a challenge. To let down the drawbridge and open the Gates that I may teach you respect with my flashing sword and lashing lance. No Sorcerer worth his Newt’s Tails would resist such a challenger and with great clinking of chains and squealing of hinges down would come yon drawbridge and the castle gates opened wide to reveal big Bad Sorcerer standing inside ready to do battle with No. 1 K in Shining A.
What more could one ask? No. 1 K in Shining A poured the spurs to Great White Charger and with squeals, clanks and pounding of mighty hoofs dashed onto the Drawbridge to eliminate one Troublesome Sorcerer. But unfair, foul what dastardly thing, Great White Charger veers to the right completely off the line of charge off the drawbridge and GWC, K in Shining A and the whole Kit and Cabboodle plunge into the slimy moat filled with green muddy water, foul frogs and swishy plants that only Merlin could identify while poor No. 1 K in Shining A’s great sword flew and stuck to the wall of B. B. Sorcerers Castle.
In due time No. 1 K in Shining A reported back to the round Table. No one really believed his tale, but he sure was decrepit with Lily Pads stuck in his suit of rapidly rusting battered armor, lame Great White Charger and empty sword scabbard.
No. 2 K in Shining A happily took up the quest. He too returned unsuccessful, battered and without his sword. Likewise No. 3 and No. 4 and No. 5. It was no longer a laughing affair. Something dreadful was the matter. Call in the Wizard – Master Merlin!!
The Wizard Merlin questioned each Knight in not so shining armor, he observed the castle from a distance – safe distance that is. Then after many days he reported to King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table – send me Knight who wears nor bears any metal and I can rid the Kingdom of the Big Bad Sorcerer.
All who heard this profound request mussed it around in their heads – you could almost hear the squeaky wheels turning, the gears clashing – then all together shouted Merlin has gone round the bend. We all know Knights and metal are as inseparable as peanut butter and jelly. How ridiculous can he get a Knight without metal – pooh, and likewise bah and balderdash.
Just when all seemed lost a young pretty princess who happened to be taking a short cut through the room during Merlin’s strange request felt she just had to speak up and she did.
Gentlemen, dear King Arthur, Knights in Shining Armor and Great Wizard Merlin – I have tiding for you!!!
A few days ago while riding to the Hounds on a fox hunting do in the Great Forest not far from here I saw a most strange Knight dressed all in wooden armor. With carven wood shield, sword and lance, true his horse left something to be desired but this knight certainly did not wear nor bear metal and could perhaps solve our problem.
Wizard Merlin soon was led to our good friend Thomas and Thomas was only too willing to put himself in King Arthur’s service even if for only a little while. And you guessed it – Thomas donned his wooden armor, girded on his black thorn wood sword, took up his wooden lance, mounted Old Dan and took up the quest to rid Merrie Old England of the Big Bad Sorcerer. As he approached the B B Sorcerer’s castle, the Sorcerer wondered what manner of Knight this was, but when the challenge was given, Down came the Drawbridge Clink, Clank, Squeak and Thud!
The Castle gate creaked open – there was B. B. Sorcerer on his Black Charger lance at the ready – a fearsome sight. But Thomas and Old Dan did not hesitate. They approached the bridge at a full gallop Larch Lance in position, sword at the ready Kalump-Kalump, across the bridge!! Kathud-Kathud through the gate!! Karash-karash, Bang and Clang the B. B. Sorcerer was down and running out the gate and he never stopped until he reached Normandy or some other outlandish place. Merrie Olde England was not his cup of tea and he was never again heard from. Wizard Merlin dismantled the Lodestones the Sorcerer had hidden in the castle wall and recovered the swords held on the wall for Knights Numbers 1 thru 5 and rode with Thomas back to King Arthur’s Court to report.
Naturally Thomas was made a Knight and a while later he and the sharp princess discovered each other and how they lived happily ever after would fill several great books.
But wasn’t it nice that Thomas had a dream and Wizard Merlin knew a magnet when he saw it work?