I have only faint memories of my maternal grandmother.  My most vivid memory is in connection with her death, which occurred when I was seven years of age.  I recall distinctly looking into her coffin, at her tired, blanched face, and my wonderment and dismay regarding the strange enemy called death, which had entered our household and taken her from us.

As the years have passed, and as I have learned more about the events of her life, this dear little grandmother has become very close to me.  I appreciate her more now, and I appreciate what she suffered and endured for her belief in the restored gospel, and her desire, and effort to be numbered among the saints of God.

Grandmother’s name was Sarah Fiske, when she was married to Ezra H. Allen on Christmas Day, 1837 at Potsdam, New York.  She had turned eighteen years of age the previous 1st of September.  She looked forward to a peaceful and happy life with her husband, whom she has described as "an ambitious young man of good character."  But alas, what tragedies awaited this married pair.  What a wise provision the Almighty has made in obscuring the events of the future from us.

A few years after grandmother’s marriage, when two little daughters had come to bless her home (about 1841 as nearly as I can judge, no exact date being obtainable) two Mormon Elders, Christopher Merkley, and Murray Symmonds, came into the neighborhood of Potsdam, and began to hold meetings.  Ezra Allen and two of his brothers attended these meetings and in a short time were baptized.  Grandmother did not object to her husband joining the church, but she was not fully converted herself, and therefore her baptism was deferred.

In the summer of 1842 Ezra Allen and his brothers began preparations to leave their homes in New York State, and gather with the Saints in Nauvoo.  In her brief account grandmother relates the events of the next few years as follows:

"Our faces were now set as flint Zion-ward and our God had opened our way.  On account of the lateness of the season our journey was long and tedious, but we arrived in good health in the city of Nauvoo early in the winter of 1842.  We hired a small house and began active life that we might accumulate the necessaries of life and be prepared for any changing scene that awaited us.

"Early in the spring of 1843, an effort was being made to make a settlement at a place called Schocoquan, about twenty-five miles up the river, Brother Amasa Lyman presiding.  My husband concluded to remove there.  It was a beautiful location and I was delighted with the scenery.  The majestic river rolled on in all its beauty and grandeur a few steps from my door and the wild flowers greeted me at every step as I passed.  But we found the climate damp and unhealthful.  It was not my good fortune long to walk on beds of flowers, or rejoice in the beauties of nature.

"In April we returned to Nauvoo and were present at the general conference, which was held on the 6th of April inside the walls of the temple.  This was the first time we had had the privilege of seeing the Prophet Joseph Smith and hear him preach.  We had a time of rejoicing with the Saints, and returned to our homes in good health.  In May 1843 I was baptized by Amasa Lyman and confirmed a member of the church.  Meetings were held in the branch and the spirit of the Lord attended, causing our hearts to rejoice.

"In June 1844 the clouds which had so long been gathering around the heads of the Saints, now burst in all their fury and enshrouded in deep gloom the hearts of the Saints.  On the 27th our beloved prophet and patriarch were murdered, and Brother John Taylor was seriously wounded in the Carthage Jail.

"I will pass over this painful scene, as many have written upon the subject, but suffice to say that many were the bitter tears that were shed upon that occasion but our faith was in God.  He had commenced his work upon the earth and we would not forsake it.  We knew God’s work would triumph while those who had committed this horrible crime would eventually be punished.

"Several of the Twelve Apostles were absent from home at this time and upon their return the people were counseled to remain calm and to build up the city and finish the temple.  In consequence of the sacrifice and loss of property and because of sickness we had become reduced to very poor circumstances.  In September 1844 our second son was born.  We named him Alexander Alma.  The work upon the temple had steadily progressed until in the winter of 1845-6 many of the saints received ordinances in that house.  My husband and myself were among that number.

"On account of continued persecutions the Church began making preparations to remove to the west, although very few if any knew where that journey would end.  My husband in company with Joel Ricks, took a journey to St. Louis to assist him in bringing his stock to Nauvoo to prepare for the journey and in return he was to have assistance in removing his family.

"All was in readiness, my husband taking charge of a large team, we crossed the Mississippi river on the 27th of April, 1846.  On account of heavy rains and bad roads our progress was very slow.  The company was urged forward until we arrived at Mt. Pisgah, where we remained for a while.  The brethren plowed the land and put in grain for our journey until we arrived at Council Bluffs.  We encamped near a small stream of water at a place called Muskato.  There were some of the company who had brought their violins and my husband was a fifer in the Nauvoo Legion: so at evening after the company had encamped, they endeavored to cheer the hearts of the Saints with their music.

"While at this place, July 1846, a call was made for 500 of our brethren to enlist in the service of the United States.  This company was known as the Mormon Battalion.  My husband was enrolled among the volunteers and immediately prepared to go.  After bidding his family and friends farewell, he hastened to join his company which left on the 16th."

All during the months of August and September, 1846, Ezra Allen marched with his brethren of Battalion, and on the 12th of October reached the town of Santa Fe, New Mexico.  Here some of the soldiers who were ill were transferred to Pueblo (Colorado) for the winter.  The others continued on.  Bancroft relates the event of their journey as follows:

"From Santa Fe the remainder of the troops set forth for San Diego, a journey of more than eleven hundred miles, the entire distance between that town and the Mormon camps on the Missouri exceeding two thousand miles.  Much of the route lay through a pathless desert; at few points could food be obtained in sufficient quantity for man or beast, and sometimes even water failed.  Wells were sunk in the wilderness; but on occasion, at least the men traveled for a hundred miles without water.  Before leaving Santa Fe rations were reduced and soon afterwards further reduced to one half and finally to one-quarter allowance, and meat issued to the troops being the flesh of such as were unable to proceed further through their hides band entrails were eagerly devoured, being gulped down with droughts of water, when water could be had.  While suffering these hardships the men were compelled to carry their own knapsacks, muskets, and extra ammunition, and sometimes to push their own wagons through heavy sand or help to drag them over mountain ranges.

"Passing through New Mexico pueblo on the 24th of October, some of the men were almost naked as the day of their birth except for a breechcloth, or as their colonel termed it, a ‘Centre-clothing,’ tied around the loins.  In this plight, near the middle of December, the battalion reached the San Pedre River, some three hundred and forty strong, and here occurred the only battle which the Saints militant fought during their campaign -- an encounter with a herd of wild bulls.  Thence without further adventure worthy of note, they continued their march, and reached the Pacific coast on the 29th of January 1847, found the stars and stripes floating peacefully over the town of San Diego."

"About the 24th of June, Captain Browett, Ezra H. Allen and Henderson Cox, desired to cross the mountains on a second exploring tour, but their friends, or at least a portion of them thought the undertaking risky, owing to the wild Indians.  They, however, being fearless and anxious to be moving, decided to brave all dangers and make the effort.  They started and the sequel will show that the fears of their friends were but too well founded.

"By the 2nd of July, the company was again on the march; two days’ travel from Pleasant Valley, brought them to Sly’s Park, a small valley or mountain dell, thus named for Captain James C. Sly, who first discovered it.  Here the company made a halt.  Ten men on the 4th, took up the line of march to pioneer the way over the summit of the mountains.  Four days travel over rough and rugged mountains took them across, and they found themselves safely landed at the head of Carson Valley, Nevada.  As they returned to their comrades, they spent six days endeavoring to find a more practical route, but failed.

"On the 17th of July, the company again broke camp, and the next day arrived at Leek Springs.  Here, in the absence of Captain Browett, the company again organized, with Jonathan Holmes president, and Lieutenant Samuel Thomson, Captain.

"The company numbered about 37 individuals, all told, with sixteen wagons and two small Russian cannons, which they had purchased before leaving Sutter’s, one a four, the other a six-pounder.  The cost of these guns was four hundred dollars.
This little band, like most of the Battalion, had great confidence in Divine interposition in their behalf, believing that a great providence would second their efforts to return to their families and friends.

"Israel Evans, a representative member of the company, to whom the writer is indebted for a journal of their travels, says: ‘We had an abiding faith in God, that inasmuch as He had opened unto us the treasures of the hills to help us to means for our return, He would also show unto us the way by which we could travel home.’

"In addition to the outfit already named, they subsequently obtained about one hundred fifty head of horses and mules, with about the same number of horned stock, consisting of work oxen, cows and calves.  This camp was kept one day after the return of, to work the road which they had pioneered.  They had no guide, nor, as far as is known, had the foot of white man ever trod upon the ground over which they were then constructing what subsequently proved to be a great national highway for the overland travel.

"Some four or five miles took them to what they named Tragedy Springs.  After turning out their stock and gathering around the spring to quench their thirst, some one picked up a blood stained arrow, after a little search other bloody arrows were also found, and near the spring the remains of a camp fire, and a place where two men had slept together and one alone.  Blood on the rocks was also discovered, and a leather purse with gold dust in it was picked up and recognized as having belonged to brother Ezra H. Allen.  The worst fears of the company that the three missing pioneers had been murdered, were soon confirmed.  A short distance from the spring was found a place about eight foot square, where the earth had lately been removed, and upon digging therein they found the dead bodies of their beloved brothers.  Browett, Allen, and Cox who left them twenty days previously.  These brethren had been surprised and killed by Indians.  Their bodies were stripped naked, terribly mutilated and buried in one shallow grave.

"The company buried them again, and built over their grave a large pile of rock, in a square form, as a monument to mark their last resting place, and shield them from the wolves.  They also cut upon a large pine tree near by their names, ages, manner of death, etc.  Hence the name of the springs."

"From Leech Spring Valley we sent out a company to clear the road.  When they returned, they reported that they had found a new grave made by Indians and also marks of violence near the spot, as if murder had been committed.  During the day while some men were herding cattle, they saw a wild Indian who wore a vest that was supposed to have belonged to one of our missing men.  This naturally strengthened our fear in regard to the fate of the three pioneers.

"Our next move brought us to the spot where the new grave had been found, and we made our encampment there with the determination that we would examine every nook and corner of the ground.  The next morning we commenced our search and by the side of a large spring which poured out of the mountain side we found marks of a recent campfire and other indications of an encampment, also a number of Indian arrows, some broken and bloody and others whole.  Near by was a new mound and made in a manner of Indian burials.  We commenced to open this at once, and at the bottom, to our horror and dismay we found the bodies of our three friends, divested of every article of clothing and exhibiting marks of horrible violence.  One of the bodies had a withe around the neck indicating that the man had been killed some distance from the spot and that the withe had been used to drag the body to the grave.  On closer examination of the ground we found some blood-stained stones with locks of hair adhering to them.  We naturally concluded that these stones had been used in braking in the skulls of the murdered men.  In the grass we found a buckskin bag containing some gold dust and some coin.  It had been suspended to the neck by a buckskin string, and from the position in which it was found and the blood and fresh cuts found upon it we concluded that the wearer was in the act of defending himself, and in defending himself had received a blow upon the back of the head and neck which cut the string and felled the man to the ground.  As the murderers stripped off his clothing, the bag most likely slid into the grass; and as the act undoubtedly was committed in the night, the bag was left on the ground undiscovered by the savages.  We now reinterred the bodies, and as there was plenty of rock in the vicinity, we built a square wall about three feet high around the grave, raised a headstone, filled in the wall with dirt and paved over the hole with stone.  We also carved an inscription to their memory on a large spruce tree which stood near by."

"Before leaving, my husband made arrangements for me to draw provisions from the store of a trader at a small settlement of the Missouri River, but for some reason the provisions never reached me.  Through this, and some misunderstanding it passed into other hands.  The company now prepared to move to a better location.  Having received no other means I thought best to remain where I was.  My goods were put into a small shanty, my cow was separated from the other stock, and the company move away.  After they had been gone a few hours my cow seemed determined to follow the herd, and shortly broke through the corral and ran after them.  I could not leave my babe and little girl to follow her.  Overcome by the desolate situation that confronted me alone and in the wilderness, and unprotected, I wept bitterly.  I determined to go to a camp some distance for help.  There I found a young woman to stay with me, and after my return in the evening judge my surprise on seeing my cow come walking into camp.  The Lord always provides for those who put their trust in him and upon this occasion he was more than kind.  After we had retired we were startled by a man’s voice calling.  At first I was afraid to answer, but as he continued to call I asked what was wanted.  He asked where the company had gone.  I replied that a part of them had gone away.  After a few more inquiries about stray stock he departed.  The next morning he came again to our camp, and said he was camped in the edge of the timber and asked the privilege of moving his wagon into the yard.  I asked him if he had a family and he said he had, I told him then that I would be glad to have their company.  I was pleased with the appearance of the mother and children and a friendship sprang up between us that lasts to this day.  Thus the Lord raised me up friends in the hour of my need.

"I cannot recount all the kindnesses that were shown to me by this woman and her worthy husband.  He built me a home and divided his provisions with me, and waited until I, in my meager way returned their kindnesses.  Meanwhile I exerted myself in every way that I could to provide for my family.

"When my babe was one year old, he was attacked with chills and fever and became seriously ill.  He continued to grow weaker until I became very anxious about him.  I came to the conclusion that I would fast and pray for his recovery.  The first day he had a slight chill, the second day it was almost unnoticeable and the third day it was gone.  Thus through the mercies of God he was restored.

"The Omaha Indians in the Spring of 1847 were very troublesome, killing stock and stealing everything in their power.  My cow went to the edge of the timber to find something to eat.  The Indians found her there, drove her into the thick woods and killed her to satisfy their hunger.  I then gave the calf away to save its life.  In the summer of 1847 I taught a school of small children and procured means to buy another cow.  In the spring of 1848 I began to look forward to the return of my husband.  The Lord had blessed my efforts to provide for my family and the brethren and sisters had been kind to me, but a long journey lay before me, and I looked forward to the time when his strong arms would lift the burden of care from my shoulders.  I gathered grapes from the lowlands near the river and made wine and prepared such dainties as I could that would please him.

"At length the news came that a company of brethren was expected to cross the river at the ferry in a few days.  I felt anxious to go to the ferry to meet him but circumstances would not permit; so I remained at home waiting and watching, listening to the sound of every footstep approaching my door.  After several days word was brought to me that some of the brethren had arrived home, and that my husband with two others had been killed by Indians in the California mountains.  Three men had volunteered to travel in advance of the company to prepare a road namely Daniel Browett, Ezra H. Allen and Henderson Cox, and had been murdered on the 2nd night on their camping ground by Indians.  I learned that a purse containing about $120.00 in gold dust had been found belonging to my husband and it was brought to me.  Thus were my hopes and expectations blasted in a moment.  What could I do now but trust in God.  I had no relatives in the church, two small children and a journey of a thousand miles before me.  For some time I felt as if I would sink under the burden of grief and anguish of heart.  Then I aroused myself and began to meditate on what course to pursue, how to provide for my family and prepare for the journey.  I therefore determined to make every effort in my power to accomplish this desirable undertaking and leave the event in the hands of God.  In a few days the purse which had been found containing the gold dust which had belonged to my husband was brought to me.  There were marks of blood upon it and it seemed to me as the price of his life.

"In 1849 I was summoned to attend the death bed of my husband’s sister.  Her husband had gone to Salt Lake.  She was conscious to the end.  Her last words were ‘I can see that the Lord has not forsaken me.’  She left two children.  I took them home with me and in a few weeks her brother came and took them to his home in Missouri.  A little later I was asked to teach school for a few weeks in the absence of the regular teacher.  When I arrived at the boarding school, I found a young woman of my own faith engaged as a housekeeper.  At this time cholera was prevalent in some of the settlements on the Missouri River.  There had been one death near by and this young woman was attacked with it.  When my school closed at night, she sent for me to come to her room.  When I entered she requested me to administer to her, as there were none of our brethren there.  I laid my hands upon her head and asked God in the name of Jesus to rebuke the disease and preserve her life from the power of the destroyer, and restore here to health.  She immediately arose and said that she was healed.  God had heard our prayers and she returned to her work.  The mistress of the house was astonished but she made no explanation but went about with her duties.

"Upon another occasion brother Orson Hyde had been editing a paper at Kanesville.  I had been there assisting sister Hyde for a few days.  One evening after I had retired she came into the room with a candle in her hand.  Before leaving she accidentally set fire to the curtains around the bed where I was sleeping.  I awoke very suddenly and found my bed clothes all in flames.  I instantly sprang from my bed, snatched the child that was sleeping with be and gave alarm.  My hand which had been lying above my head was burned but not seriously.  Thus again I felt to thank the Lord for sparing our lives.

"In 1851 I exchanged by gold dust for cash and goods, reserving enough gold to make me a ring which I still were.  I gathered my little means together and hired me a wagon made, purchased another cow and a joke of young cattle and helped purchase another yoke of cattle and procured provisions for the journey.  I took a young man and his wife into may wagon, he acting as teamster and in company with many of my brethren and sisters in the spring of 1852 we started for Salt Lake City.

"I will hastily pass over the incidents of the journey and many have written of it.  Suffice it to say that our teams became weakened, our loads were heavy and our progress slow.  The cholera attended the camp for several hundred miles, one woman dying.  We arrived in Salt Lake City in good health, on 14th of September 1852."